As you know, my husband and I are living with my MIL and his grandma because grandma had suffered a stroke 3 years ago and they needed help and moral support. My MIL stays at home, she takes care of her mother, but before that she worked st the coffee shop they now left to me cuz she is busy with grandma.
Grandma is 84 years old, the stroke left some brain damage, and is hard for her to say words, even if she knows what she wants to say. She can go by herself at the bathroom, but difficult because she has some legs problems, and she can eat all by herself.
But this is not the stress part. My MIL has thyroid problems, she can’t put one and one together, she is illogical, gets paranoid and she gets mad and starts yelling for no reason which doesn’t help her blood pressure problems, and every time she has a fit, she yells that he should know she is sick and gets angry because of her thyroid and he shouldn’t get her more angry, so she knows she’s not being angry for a good reason, but she continues anyway. But my husband tries every time to reason with her, explain that we can’t stay quiet when she blames us for every single thing that goes wrong in this house, but she has also problems with listening, with waiting her turn to talk, so is chaos.
My husband had some blood pressure problems too and so when hell starts I try to keep him calm so that his blood pressure doesn’t get high. Yesterday, MIL and my husband had an argument, which ended when we left to our room (is a big house, we have our own floor, bathroom, but not a kitchen). The argument started again when we came down to eat dinner (we do this for his grandmas sake, she gets very sad if she doesn’t see her grandson and we can’t risk another stroke from her). The argument ended again when we left for our room again.
She then calls him to get down with the blood pressure device because they didn’t felt well. Again some argument started, and my husband told her something he bottled for some time. He told her she had been a good mother, but since she got sick he doesn’t recognize her anymore, and she should go to a doctor and get fixed (which we tried for the last 2 years to make her go and get treatment, and refuses) cuz she is making him crazy. And he only stays here because he is feeling pity for her and for grandma. She than started to do something with her chin, a weird motion like she was chewing something and he panicked and his blood pressure went up, and he felt his skull at the back of the head burning, he thought she was having a seizure or something.
He came and get me (I was on the toilet), I stayed just a few seconds with him and he told me to not panic (but I can stay very calm in stressful situations and think clear even if my heart beats 10 times as fast) he didn’t want to stress me or the baby, and he sent me to see if everything is ok down with the girls, he couldn’t go cuz he thought he couldn’t handle seeing something bad. I tried to calm the grandma cuz she wanted to get up and go to her daughter to see if she was ok. I quickly calmed the situation, made a joke to make grandma smile and see everything is ok. The daughter (my MIL) is sleeping with her so they are both in the same room.
My MIL didn’t want any pill to calm her down, but she sounded not that bad anymore, at least she was answering my questions. Before I came she didn’t speak, at all. I stayed a little longer (a minute or two) and hoped my husband was better upstairs too.
He then came to get me cuz he still had high blood pressure, 16 with something, and some chest pressure (I told him it can be from anxiety, breathing hard and fast can cause lungs getting tired, I tried to relax him). He still felt his skull burning and I stayed with him, massaging his chest and comforting him, putting his hand on my belly and told him to think of the baby that will be so bless to have him as a father, and it worked, he started smiling, caressing my belly, closing his eyes and thinking of our baby (it always helps me).
He was very stressed that he put me in a stressful situation, concerned about the baby, but he didn’t know what else to do. He started saying we should move out, that it doesn’t help the baby, and I said we should speak of this the next day so that now we can focus on relaxing.
Moving will mean, not owning our own house, paying rent and utilities at the same time with paying them at the current home, so that when we come back we don’t have to make other contracts, and it will be stressful, we will have money problems, and we expect a baby and we need to put money aside for the baby.
And I’m not saying that my MIL should help us more, or put some money aside, for her grandson/daughter, as my mother does, but at least she should make sure she has something nice to offer her grandson/daughter and don’t start fights without a reason (even if she had a reason she shouldn’t start a fight). My mother in law is a big spender and is always complaining about lack of money, although she should have plenty, she can’t put any aside, because she buys so much crap.
Another thing she does. If we see there are no eggs in the fridge we buy some, the next day she but HER own eggs. We don’t eat that many eggs but she does. If she has no eggs left she BORROWS an egg from us and she promises she will give it back. But if we previously TOOK (not borrowed) an egg from her she says she doesn’t have to give our egg back because now we are even.
And after all that, grandma said to him last night, with tearful eyes, with her own words, that she can’t live without him, and she need him here.
So, stressful environment or not, I’m going to protect myself, my bump and my husband and we will exit every fight she starts without saying anything. I think IGNORE button is the key.
P.s.: Today is the day we announce everyone else about my pretty baby. But about that, another time, so that it can be a happier note.