Browsing "Feelings"
Jun 26, 2015 - Feelings    No Comments

7 Reasons Why I Don’t Want Another Baby

My family
So I told you my reasons why I would want another baby in a previous post, because I go by the saying “never say never”. I am open to think that the feelings I have now might change, people often change their minds, right? So I’m leaving that door open. But at the same time what I feel now makes me feel complete, like my family is right where it should be, and I don’t feel like something is missing.

My mommy feelings do not wake up every time I see a newborn, I DO want to squish and hug and kiss the little bundle of joy for a few minutes, maybe even an hour or more, but in the end it only makes me miss Eric and I feel guilty giving more attention to a baby than him, even if it’s just for a few minutes. You will probably want to say to me that having your own bundle of joy is different, I get that, but you also have to understand that in my opinion, even if we are able to fit more babies in our heart, the heart gets bigger every time, even if we love our babies in different ways because every baby is unique, I still think the time doesn’t double, and my attention would be cut in half.

So here are a few reasons why I’m done:

1. I already have 2 kids
No, I didn’t get pregnant without letting you know, but I always felt my other baby is my husband. He’s far off LIKE a baby, but he does need me to feed him, wash his clothes, my full attention when he has something important to say, quality time for just the 2 of us, which happens after Eric is asleep, hugs, kisses, reminding him to do things, like take his vitamins, take care of him when he has a cold. So in the end, it all still resumes at having more time.

2. It’s easier to travel
One of my husband’s dreams is to travel around the world, and as you would probably know, we went on a tour around Europe for 1 month, in May. We traveled in 11 cities and 6 countries and it was fun and tiring at the same time, but I loved it. I kept asking myself if I could squeeze another baby in my backpack, and I honestly couldn’t see any room for one. The selfies fit the 3 of us so perfect, caring Eric in turn with my husband, so we would be quicker, meant another baby would have slowed us down and made it harder and tiring for us.

3. Babies are expensive
Add the diapers, baby food and clothes and you’ll see what I’m talking about. 5-6 diapers a day, 2-3 jars of food if you are away, cuz you’ll probably make a lot of it at home (and some of it they will probably spit out), and clothes for every season, every year, cuz they grow fast, or at least autumn and spring will have almost the same clothes, if they don’t have growth spurts.

Eric

4. Time
As I said before, the time does not double, or at least extend a bit. I would have to cut myself in two for me to be there for Eric and the new baby. And my heart would break if they would need me at the same time and I could not be there for one of them. Of course the baby will have priority, and that means Eric will suffer more for it. I don’t have much help, so he will have to deal with things alone, and I want to be there whenever he needs me. I don’t want to miss things in his life. I want to be there and watch over him even if he can handle things alone, I just want to see him do stuff, and not miss things like breathing, or walking, or running. No really, I love to see every smile he ever has at least till he grows up and runs away to kindergarten and school.

5. I would not be able to make both kids happy at the same time
When one sleeps and the other plays, then at some point one will wake another. One will have the toy the other has and wants, so they will fight. One will need their space and the other is in their way, or one will want their mommy/daddy at the same time the other does. They will share, Eric knows how to already, but it’s inevitable to make both kids happy when they will both want the same thing.

6. My family feels complete
I don’t feel I’m missing anyone! Photos are the way they should be, we have enough room for everyone, we would need an extra if a baby comes (of course we could make it work with what we have now, but why settle for less, when we are happy with more).
Eric

7. Eric is everything I ever wanted in a kid
Eric is sweet and loving, funny and kind, carrying and playful, social and smart, a momma’s and daddy’s boy. I never knew I wanted some of the things he has, but here I am loving every bit of him and stunned at how perfect he is. I’m never regretting his baby days and I never want for him to stay my baby forever, I look back at how much he evolved and I can’t wait for him to grow more and more and to see what he becomes. I don’t cry when I put away his baby clothes, I’m just in awe at how little he was and how much he grows every day.

I’m happy and grateful for what I have NOW, and can’t see myself a mother of two. But never say never, right?

Mar 20, 2015 - Feelings    No Comments

Things I Would Do Differently if I Decided to Have Another Baby

Botez Eric Rafael

I’ve been thinking these days about things I would do different if we decided to have another baby. Probably because there are a lot of friends asking me when my next will come. So I’m putting aside our topic about traveling with a toddler for a bit. May is nowhere near us, so I’ll have plenty of time to write about our luggage.

I’ve been thinking about another baby since the day Eric was born, and that I don’t really want one. Things changed after he was born, and even if I always wanted two kids, after I saw him and fell in love with him, I wouldn’t want to split the time I spend with him in 2, or more at first, as a baby needs more attention, and I don’t want to miss out. There are a lot of other reasons as well, not having help, doing 90% of things by myself, it’s hard, I’ll admit that.

Also, 2 babies would make it harder to move around, and travel, and that is one of my husband’s dreams and would be a great thing for Eric too. Eric is getting pretty heavy, and it will get harder for us to carry him when he will get tired and carry a baby too. At least now we can switch when it gets too much.

I think our little family is perfect the way it is. We, for now, don’t need things to get harder, I am still waiting for things to get easier.

I did come up with things why I SHOULD have another baby, but still doesn’t weight as much as my first reason of not having one. The reasons are selfish, and more for me, so until I find some good enough reason to bring another baby into this world, I can’t do it.

One of the reasons is the fact that I loved being pregnant. I didn’t gained too much weight, no really bad symptoms, none that I couldn’t overcome them, and I really loved my belly. I also would love to have a girl, to see how she would look like, and I think I will be a bit disappointed if it was a boy, at first. I did some research about things I can do to get my chances up if I want a girl, but nothing is 100% sure.

I would love some Lamaze courses before this too, it will help me relax and think about what my body says to me while I give birth.

Another reason is that I want to give a more real chance to exclusively breastfeed. I had to supplement with Eric so I really want to keep strong and do it right.

The final reason and the most important one is that I would want a natural water birth (which means NO meds) and I would do things way different than my C-section. This was my greatest wish before Eric too (except meds, I though I couldn’t do it without), but I was under the impression that my eye sight would make things impossible for me to give birth to Eric without putting my eyes in grave danger, some mentioned blindness too, but that is not the case.

But in the case I do decide to have another baby I would want to have my natural water birth, instead of a C-section, which is called VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section) without any kind of medication.

I would want my water to be broken naturally, and no episiotomy. I would want to be free to move around, not stuck on a OB table, and embrace my contractions in the warm water without any Epidural. I’ve heard is best when you go thru a VBAC as you need to feel if the C-section cuts are going to rupture, that is always a risk, and also I will need my body to feel when it’s time to push. And no Pitocin either, that is supposed to help with dilatation, but it’s assumed to increase the pain you will feel.

They should not use any object to pull Eric out and I would want for them to delay the cord clamping, as recent studies show that important fluids are still on their way to the baby. Immediately after birth I would want skin-on-skin contact and a chance to breastfeed right away, so they will need to delay the examination too.

After everyone settles down and they do what they need to do with him, measure, weight and other tests and vaccines, I would want for him to never leave my sight. Eric was in my room most of the time, but only during the day, but I was in no way fit enough to hold him because my cut hurt really bad and I couldn’t pick him up. So now I think I would be able to take care of him from the start, only needing advise from time to time. This will give me a great start at breastfeeding too.

I would LOVE to have a pregnancy photo shooting done and newborn photos as well.

I’m not even close to being ready for another baby, I want to want a baby like I wanted Eric, and when I’m ready for that, and ready to accept that there are more chances for it to be a boy, and looking forward to any gender, I will be ready to go. Until then, I’m all Eric’s.

But these reasons and the things I would want to do, make me say MAYBE instead of NEVER.

What are your reason for deciding on another baby? And what would you do differently?

Feb 23, 2015 - Feelings    No Comments

Things a Mother Really Feels About Her Kids

o-MOTHER-LOOKING-UPSET-WITH-CHILD-facebook
I’m sorry I’m always scared. From the moment I found out about you until now, I was scared. I was scared to be your mom, because I wasn’t 100% confident I was fit to be a good one and I knew that you deserve better. I’m always worried for you and always doubt myself because of this. I’m always a little frightened to let you on your own or to trust others to take care of you. But I do it anyway! I don’t want you to miss out on figuring things by yourself just because I was too scared to let you go.

I’m always worried for your safety, for the way you grow, for the way I’m raising you, scared that I will not do it right and you will fail because of me. I will always be scared, because that’s what mothers do.

I’m sorry I can’t always keep my anger in check, and that I get angry at you, then at me, because I got angry at you, and that I sometimes raise my voice. I’m sorry I’m not always calm and in control of my feelings, because that would teach you how to be calm and in control of your feelings. I’m sorry I don’t always have the patience to explain things to you, but at least know that I try. I always make efforts to do that and to make sure you understand why I’m not letting you put your fingers in the electric outlet, or why my slippers are not good to eat. You cry, and I’m sorry, I understand your frustration of not understanding me, I’m really trying my best, kiddo.

I’m sorry I can’t give you everything your heart desires. I try to make a difference between what you need, and what you want just because it has a Mickey Mouse on. I’m sorry I can’t explain it to you better why you don’t need the Mickey Mouse shaped biscuits that have sugar in them, but you can have the normal shaped biscuits that are sweetened with fruits and therefore are healthier. I’m not doing it because I don’t love you, but because I DO.

I’m sorry I’m not always there for you. I do need to pee sometimes, even thought I wished I didn’t have too. And there will be times in your future when you will need me to stay away, to let you make your own decisions, and it will be hard as hell to watch you grow and act on your own, without interference, but I’ll sure try as hard as I can to give you the space to fly solo.

I’m sorry I kiss you too much, but after our first kiss, which was simply magical, every time I kiss you I live again the best day of my life over and over again, it’s like a drug that keeps me going and makes me the happiest person on Earth.

I’m sorry I’m saying so many NOs to you, I feel like I’m holding you back, but I’m doing it to protect you and to teach you good from bad, and for that I’m not sorry, I just feel bad you can’t understand my reasons. And I’m sorry I can’t always be your friend, I need to be your mom from time to time!

I’m sorry I have failed you, and that I’ll keep doing it, even though I try to do my best. I didn’t do enough, I didn’t know all that was needed to be known, I wasn’t there at your first sign of discomfort, I couldn’t protect you every single second of the day and sometimes you bumped your head, or you fell and I couldn’t catch you in time, sometimes I was protecting you from one corner of the table, and you stumbled and hit the other one… In my ideal world, you would’ve not cried at all, not even for one second for your entire life, but I failed to do that. And I will always fail, but I swear to you I am doing my best every day, and I’m always trying as hard as I can to not let you down, I can only promise I will TRY and do my best to protect you, even though trying is not enough.

I’m sorry I can’t take your pains away. I always wish I could get your flu and cure you, or have your bruises and bumps so nothing could ever hurt you. I’m sorry I can’t be sick in your place, but I can promise you I will be with you, cuddling and kissing your wounds, always checking on you and sleep with you until you feel better.

And I promise I will ALWAYS say I’m sorry, when I fail you, and I will ALWAYS say I love you, every day, so you will know, that even though I’m not perfect, I’m just your mom, the one that will always love you no matter how frustrated she feels, no matter if she’s not right there next to you to tell you, no matter if you hate me or you’re mad at me for some reason, no matter what, I will always love you.

Jun 23, 2014 - Feelings    5 Comments

How Motherhood Changed Me

Botez Eric Rafael - 28 Martie 2014

I often think about how I was before getting pregnant. Lazy most of the time, but this laziness was interfering with my thirst of knowledge. Sure, I was curious about stuff, but I didn’t necessary wanted to get on and learn, only if I ABSOLUTELY needed something in particular. When I thought about having a baby back then, I was so sure it was going to be a piece of cake leaving him with other people or it was obvious I would not change my habits of going out with my husband and his friends, or I was so sure I was going to feel the NEED to leave the baby for a while after EVERY minute of the day spent with him.

Well, the reality is WAY different now. The laziness is no more. I mean, it would be there, but I have no choice really. No time for being lazy. If I choose lazy over making dinner, well, we will starve, baby included. Or if I don’t do laundry, we will not have any clean clothes to wear. So basically, I can’t afford to watch my TV shows I watched before, they take too much time that I rather spend with my husband, my baby, or that I NEED to do something practical instead.

Leaving baby behind reaps my heart right into two pieces. Because I worry, that is what mothers do, but I also miss him. I could have a nice time with my husband out, while my mom is taking care of Eric EXACTLY how I would take care of him, but I would think of his smiles and laughs and silliness the entire time. I would worry about him crying and I would feel empty and selfish that I’m out instead of spending my time with him and nurse him to sleep and sing to him while I watch him doze off. BUT no matter how pained I am, and how a part of me gets sad and just needs to run to my baby and hug him really tight, I also know he needs his space. He needs other people, he needs to trust the people around him, and not just me, that makes me jealous, but I try NOT to be, and let him find his trust in others, and explore on his own, and be curious about people around him. My heart just wants to cuddle and hug him and never let go of his hand, but I do, because it is what he needs, and THAT is the priority in my life now, his needs.

Botez Eric Rafael - 28 Martie 2014

About my curiosity to learn new stuff. Well, after I gave birth, a new life has opened in front of me. The “motherhood” got me in touch with a lot of new domains for me, like breastfeeding and natural birth. Breastfeeding got me so hooked into learning about it that I can honestly say I can provide help to other moms. I did a breastfeeding course online that got me a diploma and made me want to try more courses like this one to make my breastfeeding help have a greater impact on new moms. But not just for that, I’m really curious and feel the NEED to learn more and to know as much as I can so I could help others without doubting myself. I’m pretty sure I know now more than many new moms, and old moms, and what I don’t know I can easily do the research and get the answers in no time. I’m also always researching foods he can or cannot eat besides breastmilk.

diploma

The natural birth area got me curious because I always wanted to get one, but by Romanian standards I couldn’t because of my eye problems. Well, turns out if I did more research before, I could’ve gotten my natural water birth I always wanted. Maybe next time I will. But until then, if there will ever be a next time, I will always recommend it to everyone that hasn’t her mind set on a C section. I can’t speak from my own experience, like breastfeeding, but I think if I WILL do it, I would advise others as well. A natural birth would mean no pills to speed up things, as those pills can make the pain more awful than it really is, no pills for the pain as those can interfere with feeling your body “say” to you WHEN you need to push, and a water birth so baby will easily get from your warm body, to another warm environment, and right after that to your chest for nursing.

Motherhood has changed me, and I think I’m a better person, which couldn’t mean much necessarily, but I feel better in my own skin now, and I love it.

 

Jun 30, 2013 - Feelings    No Comments

Thirty Five Weeks Pregnant

Thirty Five Weeks Pregnant

The week started very bad. As in I woke up and baby was in a weird angle and very tensed in my belly. My mom was home and made her listen to his heart beat. She tried and listen and end up counting 70 beats per minute. The belly relaxed after I walked a bit and stayed bent so he’ll have more room. I gave my doctor an e-mail and she answered very fast, saying she understands my concerns and that I should go to the hospital to be motorized even for a few days if necessary.

I called the doctor she referred me too and she said the same. So Monday I went to the hospital for a Cardiotocogram, baby did his low heart beat again, the doctor there was not concerned saying it might be again that the baby moved and the machine lost his heart beat for a few seconds. But this time she took me in for an ultrasound to see if the umbilical chord was functioning properly, and the flow was very good.

Tuesday my husband got here because he didn’t want to leave me alone anymore, in case anything went wrong with baby again. He had lots to do home and didn’t finish all of them, but didn’t want to stay far away from us any longer.

Anyway, Wednesday, I went to the doctor that has to see me now that mine is on vacation, and looked at EVERY PIECE OF TEST since I got pregnant. I got another CTG and baby behaved this time. Assured me that whatever is wrong with baby is not harming him, and he will not have long term damages. She couldn’t  say 100% percent that I will have a healthy baby, because she was not God, her words, but she knows cases with babies born with the umbilical cord around their neck even two times and they are fine and healthy.

So everything looks fine. We’ll keep monitoring him at least once a week, and we hope he will be fine. Baby still didn’t turn with his head down, so I don’t know if he will. It’s uncomfortable, but I will have a C-section because of my eye condition anyway, so I guess he can stay however he wants.

Symptoms: The swollen feet disappeared at the middle of the week, I can’t say if I did something different or what is the reason for that but I’m glad. Some headaches and backaches because of my sleeping position, the usual heartburn and peeing, but other than that I’m fine.

New measurements:

Baby weight: 2383 grams (ours measured 1965 grams at 32 weeks)
Baby head to toe: 46.2 cm

Weight before: 59.3 kg
Weight nineteenth week: 74 kg (my moms scale shows a different weight every time I try to measure myself)

Bust measurements before: 87 cm
Bust nineteenth week: 99 cm

Waist before: 67 cm
Waist nineteenth week: 97 cm

Hips before: 92 cm
Hips nineteenth week: 99 cm

Butt before: 95 cm
Butt nineteenth week: 106 cm

Bump before: 77 cm
Bump nineteenth week: 106 cm

Jun 23, 2013 - Feelings    No Comments

Thirty Four Weeks Pregnant

Thirty Four Weeks Pregnant

This week I received baby stuff from amazon.co.uk. Didn’t know that they had different types of plugs, so I had to buy some adapters. But they were so cool, I had to test them. We got: a sterilizer, bottle warmer, baby monitor, wipes, diapers, bottles and grooming kit, and I sterilized everything. It was so much fun. I showed my husband everything via iPhone and he will probably be more excited when he sees everything. Most of the things are from Avent, the baby monitor is from Motorola, grooming kit from Tommee Tippee and wipes and diapers Pampers Sensitive.

Our godmother gave us the car seat and breast pump, and the bed and changing mattress will come next week. Yey!

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I got my results for SGB and I don’t have any, just some yeast infection I have to treat, but is not unusual for pregnant women to have this.

This was the good side of the week.

The bad side is that I had to go to a Cardiotocogram test on Friday and all was well, I was sitting on my back but high enough with pillows under my back and after 15 minutes the baby’s heartbeat started to slow down, again.

I went with my mom this time and told her to call for someone and then I tried to turn on my right a little, because the machine was on that side but baby still was not ok. Someone came asked if I moved, I said no, but the belly was very tensed and the baby still in an awkward position and the heart rate didn’t go up still. So they put me on my left side and the heart rate started to grow beat by beat. So from 76, the number my mom read the last time, it slowly started to go up as he re-positioned in my belly.

The doctor on guard came and look at the results, told me it was because of the machine that didn’t get the direct contact with baby’s heart and that is why it dropped. Then took that result and said I should stay another 20 minutes to see if everything was alright if I’m on my left side. And it was till the end, but the explanation didn’t felt right. More because the belly tensed like the first time the heart beat dropped, and the explanation was odd.

So I wrote an e-mail to my doctor, as she requested, took some photos of the tests and she promptly responded in like 30 minutes even though it was Saturday morning, very early in the morning. She said it was because I was on my back again, and should avoid that, but nothing else I can do to avoid that because that is the only reason. I asked her if I could repeat the Cardiotocogram earlier than 8th of July and she said it was a good idea to do them more often.

So next Friday I’m gonna go again for a test. I’m gonna stay on my left side from the beginning and hope he’ll be fine the entire time. It gets scary to know your little one is not well and can’t do anything about that to help him, or at least hold him in your arms till the bad feeling is no more, which I don’t want to do very soon. I mean I wanna hold him, but not for another 5 weeks.

Symptoms: This week, starting with Monday, my feet swollen. They look like Fred Flintstone’s feet and they hurt if I standing too long, or walking too much. But lately, standing and walking even for a bit is such a pain. I can’t seem to get any comfort from putting them up, cuz I have to stay on my side and it is not a comfortable position, and even if I stay sited and put them up, they start getting sore and numb. What it feels like heaven and so relaxing is a putting my feet in not too cold water. I don’t know if it’s recommended, but at least the pain goes away for that time only. When I take them off, or start walking, they still hurt.

Some more backaches probably because of sleeping positions, headaches, small bladder and heartburn. But nothing that is as bad as the swollen feet.

New measurements:

Baby weight: 2146 grams (ours measured 1965 grams at 32 weeks)
Baby head to toe: 45 cm

Weight before: 59.3 kg
Weight nineteenth week: 74.5 kg (my moms scale shows a different weight every time I try to measure myself)

Bust measurements before: 87 cm
Bust nineteenth week: 99 cm

Waist before: 67 cm
Waist nineteenth week: 97 cm

Hips before: 92 cm
Hips nineteenth week: 99 cm

Butt before: 95 cm
Butt nineteenth week: 107 cm

Bump before: 77 cm
Bump nineteenth week: 107 cm

Jun 16, 2013 - Feelings    No Comments

Thirty Three Weeks Pregnant

Thirty Three Weeks Pregnant

This week was a though one because of the stress of what happen Monday. I was constantly afraid that my baby’s heart beat will drop again and I could not know. So every time I felt he didn’t moved for a long time I would stress.

I went Thursday to another ultrasound with the doctor that find the problem on Monday, and he checked for his heart beat again and for the right brain activity, I guess. He went with the ultrasound on his head and some red and blue lights appeared and played on the screen. He didn’t seem concerned, but said he doesn’t think that was the vena cava my ob explained, but didn’t know what to say. So that got me thinking and panicking again.  Not only I didn’t had an explanation anymore, but now I didn’t know what NOT to do for that to ever happen again.

My husband’s departure that day din’t helped much. I was having panic attacks even if I saw his heart beat earlier and saw everything was alright, I was afraid that when I’ll be alone and no one beside me to comfort and make me think of something else, I will loose it. I had to buy a hypertension meter with a stethoscope so  that I could try and hear his heart beat when my mom isn’t around to check it by ear, but I barely heard anything.

Yesterday and today was somehow better, because I felt him very active and was so glad every time he kicked my bladder because I was proud he was showing his strength and showing me that he was a fighter.

My little boy, Eric Rafael, will be just fine, and I’m counting my weeks till my C-section and is more relaxing to see how fast the time is passing and how I will miss my little boy’s movement in my belly. Six weeks to go, but four more till it will be safe for him to go out. Still I’m keeping my fingers crossed so that he’ll reach 39 weeks.

Also this week, I was in the mood to cook complicated stuff, maybe to take my mind of my stress. And I made:

Vegetables dough rolls, with beans, rice, corn, onions, olives, muffins with chocolate chips and vegetables cream soup.

Vegetables cream soup

 

 

And eggplant Slippers with minced meat, tomato sauce and vegetables, with melted cheese and bacon on top and Tzatziki. I made Romanian pancakes later on, which are way thinner filled with jam.

 

Sloippers with tzatziki

Sorry girls for making you crave for those in the picture, but my latest craving is MAKING food. Hoping for the next days to make some gyros with homemade pita and everything.

Symptoms: In the mood to cook, the usual trips to the bathroom, although earlier this day I had an excess of coughing and when I stood up to cough better I peed a little, so I will have to be afraid of coughing too, not only sneezing from now on. I also felt very tired and some anxiety, hoped it’ll pass.

New measurements:

Baby weight: 1918 grams (ours measured 1965 grams)
Baby head to toe: 43.7 cm

Weight before: 59.3 kg
Weight nineteenth week: 72.5 kg (I don’t have an electric scale anymore and the one that my mom has is a little bit off, but it’ll have to do till I give birth, can’t be off by too much)

Bust measurements before: 87 cm
Bust nineteenth week: 98 cm

Waist before: 67 cm
Waist nineteenth week: 95 cm

Hips before: 92 cm
Hips nineteenth week: 97 cm

Butt before: 95 cm
Butt nineteenth week: 105 cm

Bump before: 77 cm
Bump nineteenth week: 105 cm

Jun 10, 2013 - Feelings, Health, Problems    2 Comments

Thirty Two Weeks Pregnant

Thirty Two Weeks Pregnant

Today I had my third trimester ultrasound appointment and everything looked fine from the waiting room, at least. Until we got in the doctors office. I laid down and baby made a big, huge, like never before, lump that felt very very tight inside and outside and pushing on my right side almost to the back with his head. The doctor measured his head, as he always does, and told his assistant the numbers, and it seemed he was not concerned about the lump. Then we, me and my husband, and the doctor of course, could see his little heart on the screen which seemed, even for some inexperienced parents to be, very slow. He then tried to move the baby with his Doppler device, tapping on top of my belly with it.

My husband took my hand in his and hold it tight, we could see that the baby situation didn’t change and we were afraid. I kept saying to myself that he was ok, because in the waiting room he was moving and kicking like he always does. I was trying to remember where are all my medical papers and stuff for the hospital. The doctor then asked who was my ob and they immediately called her in putting an accent on emergency.

Until my ob came, the doctor in charge said: “Please don’t be scared, I have to push on your belly for the baby’s sake.” And he started to push the big lump inside with force a few times, my belly hurt, but I didn’t care and he tried again with the Doppler. Then my ob came in and he told her that the baby’s heart beat is 56 beats per minute for about 5 minutes and she should take me and see if anything changes or if not she should think of an emergency C-section right away. The baby’s heart rate should be between 110 and 160, so you get the concern, right?

In my head I was feeling more secure with my ob there and I was thinking that is good that I have the contract I signed with the hospital for giving birth with me, and if the emergency C-section is included in it. I was trying to think positive and believe that my baby will be fine, once he was out, but if he could not change position really soon my belly would not be safe for him anymore.

Staying positive so that I would not scare my husband, because I was thinking of him and his blood pressure problems too, and stay cool and collected so that I could take the right decision if I had to make any. All this time I could feel in my heart everything was going to be fine, and baby just has a bad day, which proved a little later on.

Then my ob took me to a room with 3 beds and 2 other pregnant ladies connected to heart rates monitors. I was put to one too, and also she made me stay on my left side, not on my back and push a button every time I felt movement, which was very soon. They put me on IV with vitamins and calcium and a nurse kept an eye on me and was very nice and comforting. We heard his fast heart rate very soon after I was connected to the machine and we both, me and my husband, relaxed and smiled to each other. I stayed with the IV and machine for about an hour, then the doctor that took my ultrasound came in and was not panicked anymore, but said that I have to come to see him Thursday, which seemed like an order more than a request. He looked very upset about the situation and he wanted to make sure everything else was ok because he didn’t had a chance to finish the examination and look anywhere else.

My ob got into surgery and had to wait 45 minutes for her, or more, and than she got to see my tests, agreed with me that I should repeat the ones I was sure they didn’t take them right, after explaining everything to me and making me a schedule for the next months appointments and heart beat monitoring and tests, she said she hoped the baby will stay inside till July 29th, when she wants to schedule my C-section.

So apparently baby moved on my vena cava, and couldn’t move from there because I was on my back and he was very contracted in my belly and it affected him until I changed my position and lay on my left side. I’m not allowed to stay on my back and I have to try and drink more water, but other than that all is fine. I’m just stressed every time baby tightens my belly like he did so many time before, but now the coincidence of him moving like that and his heart rate dropping so low because he sat on the vena cava makes me worry about every time he does that, which is a few times a day.

When we arrived home I struggled to hear his heart beat with a stethoscope, got very worried for 10-15 minutes and after a few tries and my husband assuring me he can hear it with his ear, I succeeded and relaxed a bit.

It was a stressful day, we had our share of scary stuff happening, and we realized how much we love this baby and what I would give for the baby to be safe for ever. We also decided that the middle name should be something more that what it was, we looked for names of saints so that our baby could be protected, this is a tradition in our country, but decided to go with the name that was second on our list and has something to do with God, but doesn’t have a big day of celebration in our Orthodox calendar, which is alright anyway.

I’m now glad we didn’t announce the name to many because now we would have to change it.

We also have a CD but is troubling to watch as you can see his little heart beat so weak and slow and you can also see when the doctor agitated the Doppler on my belly. I don’t think I want to watch that too soon.

Symptoms: Acid reflux, backache, head ache, gas, which I forgot to put it in the months that passed maybe because I got used to it, but it’s there, even if it’s gross and shameful, it’s a part of pregnancy that no one tells you about. I still have a small bladder that my baby likes to kick, but other than that, and the event we had today, nothing else happen.

New measurements:
Baby weight: 1702 grams (ours measured 1965 grams)
Baby head to toe: 42.4 cm

Weight before: 59.3 kg
Weight nineteenth week: 72.4 kg

Bust measurements before: 87 cm
Bust nineteenth week: 98 cm

Waist before: 67 cm
Waist nineteenth week: 94 cm

Hips before: 92 cm
Hips nineteenth week: 97 cm

Butt before: 95 cm
Butt nineteenth week: 105 cm

Bump before: 77 cm
Bump nineteenth week: 104 cm

Jun 2, 2013 - Feelings    No Comments

Thirty One Weeks Pregnant

Thirty One Weeks Pregnant
We put together baby’s bed this week and it was a very emotional moment as I expected, we also put it in it’s place and got an idea of how it will look with all the old furniture around it and it was pretty obvious it was too cramped.

We showed it to my mother in law who looked excited too and afterwards my husband got eye to eye with her and told her he was sad because the place was too cramped and it was no room to move and if only the old furniture wasn’t there, then it could be so much better. And she AGREEED!!! She said IF ONLY we could put the furniture in some other place, but there isn’t any. And THEN my husband suggested a place, they measured it and seems it will fit. Hooray!

Baby's room

One step at a time and we will have our dream room for our little boy. This is how it looks now, but we will got rid of what is unnecessary and it will look much better. But for me, for now, this is so precious and the bed is so sweet with its little covers and blue design I wanna sleep there myself.

I got my tests results and they seemed normal, nothing has changed, only I have my doubts about the way they took a test and I will ask my doctor about it maybe I’ll have to repeat it, but otherwise all is good.

The other great news about this week is that we choose a name. I asked my husband how should we announce it, if I can do it just like that or do something funny and he said to do whatever I want, which is always his response on matters I have doubts on 😛 We’ll see! I’m not sure how I’m gonna do it, at least I will have a post only for this not my weekly update post.

Next week I’ll go to my mom in Bucharest and I can’t wait to stay there till my baby will be born and next Monday I will have a doctors appointment and see my baby boy after such a long time.

Symptoms: Some backache, headache, acid reflux, frequent trips to the bathroom, some constipation, and it’s getting harder to climb the stairs.

New measurements:
Baby weight: 1502 grams (ours measured 950 grams at 25 weeks)
Baby head to toe: 41.1 cm

Weight before: 59.3 kg
Weight nineteenth week: 72.1 kg

Bust measurements before: 87 cm
Bust nineteenth week: 98 cm

Waist before: 67 cm
Waist nineteenth week: 91 cm

Hips before: 92 cm
Hips nineteenth week: 97 cm

Butt before: 95 cm
Butt nineteenth week: 105 cm

Bump before: 77 cm
Bump nineteenth week: 104 cm

May 26, 2013 - Feelings    2 Comments

Thirty Weeks Pregnant

Thirty Weeks Pregnant

I’m thirty weeks pregnant and I can’t believe how close I am to hold my little guy in my arms. We received his furniture on Monday and we only build the commode, the thing that I will use as a changing table. It was hard and stressful not having proper expert tools and we had to postpone making the bed because I didn’t want to spoil my husband’s week off that he took to relax.

He was upset that after finishing the furniture he knew where all the imperfection were and he was upset because he wanted to do a better job and frustrated because he though he didn’t make that perfect as he would want it to be for his son. I tried to tell him it was perfect but he didn’t listen, until, few days later, I found out a similar “problem” with the TV furniture in our room, and that was made by professionals with professional tools. I will put some pictures when everything is done.

I bet now he can’t wait to finish the bed too, because I know I can’t wait to see it done. We won’t have a perfect kids room like Americans do, with blue paint and just baby furniture and baby stuff in the room, but my baby will at least have his blue bed in an outdated room, that my mother in law doesn’t let me change.

We dream of having our place and everyone to have his own room and a living room for all of us to chill, because right now we feel we live with the “owner” (mother in law) and we pay rent and we are not allowed to make changes except if the “owner” agrees with it, which she usually doesn’t. Till then I have to be happy for my baby’s blue furniture set, no matter where it is, and I really am happy.

I’m also happy I didn’t have any bad cravings this past week. After the pizza I ate in the weekend I felt happy with the usual food I had. Also, I kept myself away from too much sweets, and that makes me happy too.

Tomorrow I’m gonna go take some blood test and urine tests, and probably the glucose test everyone on WhatToExpect site is talking about. Can’t wait to see the results!

Symptoms: Just some headache and backache, acid reflux and frequent trips to the bathroom.

New measurements:
Baby weight: 1320 grams (ours measured 950 grams at 25 weeks)
Baby head to toe: 40 cm

Weight before: 59.3 kg
Weight nineteenth week: 70.9 kg

Bust measurements before: 87 cm
Bust nineteenth week: 97 cm

Waist before: 67 cm
Waist nineteenth week: 94 cm

Hips before: 92 cm
Hips nineteenth week: 97 cm

Butt before: 95 cm
Butt nineteenth week: 105 cm

Bump before: 77 cm
Bump nineteenth week: 103 cm

Pages:12345»