Jun 26, 2015 - Feelings    No Comments

7 Reasons Why I Don’t Want Another Baby

My family
So I told you my reasons why I would want another baby in a previous post, because I go by the saying “never say never”. I am open to think that the feelings I have now might change, people often change their minds, right? So I’m leaving that door open. But at the same time what I feel now makes me feel complete, like my family is right where it should be, and I don’t feel like something is missing.

My mommy feelings do not wake up every time I see a newborn, I DO want to squish and hug and kiss the little bundle of joy for a few minutes, maybe even an hour or more, but in the end it only makes me miss Eric and I feel guilty giving more attention to a baby than him, even if it’s just for a few minutes. You will probably want to say to me that having your own bundle of joy is different, I get that, but you also have to understand that in my opinion, even if we are able to fit more babies in our heart, the heart gets bigger every time, even if we love our babies in different ways because every baby is unique, I still think the time doesn’t double, and my attention would be cut in half.

So here are a few reasons why I’m done:

1. I already have 2 kids
No, I didn’t get pregnant without letting you know, but I always felt my other baby is my husband. He’s far off LIKE a baby, but he does need me to feed him, wash his clothes, my full attention when he has something important to say, quality time for just the 2 of us, which happens after Eric is asleep, hugs, kisses, reminding him to do things, like take his vitamins, take care of him when he has a cold. So in the end, it all still resumes at having more time.

2. It’s easier to travel
One of my husband’s dreams is to travel around the world, and as you would probably know, we went on a tour around Europe for 1 month, in May. We traveled in 11 cities and 6 countries and it was fun and tiring at the same time, but I loved it. I kept asking myself if I could squeeze another baby in my backpack, and I honestly couldn’t see any room for one. The selfies fit the 3 of us so perfect, caring Eric in turn with my husband, so we would be quicker, meant another baby would have slowed us down and made it harder and tiring for us.

3. Babies are expensive
Add the diapers, baby food and clothes and you’ll see what I’m talking about. 5-6 diapers a day, 2-3 jars of food if you are away, cuz you’ll probably make a lot of it at home (and some of it they will probably spit out), and clothes for every season, every year, cuz they grow fast, or at least autumn and spring will have almost the same clothes, if they don’t have growth spurts.

Eric

4. Time
As I said before, the time does not double, or at least extend a bit. I would have to cut myself in two for me to be there for Eric and the new baby. And my heart would break if they would need me at the same time and I could not be there for one of them. Of course the baby will have priority, and that means Eric will suffer more for it. I don’t have much help, so he will have to deal with things alone, and I want to be there whenever he needs me. I don’t want to miss things in his life. I want to be there and watch over him even if he can handle things alone, I just want to see him do stuff, and not miss things like breathing, or walking, or running. No really, I love to see every smile he ever has at least till he grows up and runs away to kindergarten and school.

5. I would not be able to make both kids happy at the same time
When one sleeps and the other plays, then at some point one will wake another. One will have the toy the other has and wants, so they will fight. One will need their space and the other is in their way, or one will want their mommy/daddy at the same time the other does. They will share, Eric knows how to already, but it’s inevitable to make both kids happy when they will both want the same thing.

6. My family feels complete
I don’t feel I’m missing anyone! Photos are the way they should be, we have enough room for everyone, we would need an extra if a baby comes (of course we could make it work with what we have now, but why settle for less, when we are happy with more).
Eric

7. Eric is everything I ever wanted in a kid
Eric is sweet and loving, funny and kind, carrying and playful, social and smart, a momma’s and daddy’s boy. I never knew I wanted some of the things he has, but here I am loving every bit of him and stunned at how perfect he is. I’m never regretting his baby days and I never want for him to stay my baby forever, I look back at how much he evolved and I can’t wait for him to grow more and more and to see what he becomes. I don’t cry when I put away his baby clothes, I’m just in awe at how little he was and how much he grows every day.

I’m happy and grateful for what I have NOW, and can’t see myself a mother of two. But never say never, right?

Mar 20, 2015 - Feelings    No Comments

Things I Would Do Differently if I Decided to Have Another Baby

Botez Eric Rafael

I’ve been thinking these days about things I would do different if we decided to have another baby. Probably because there are a lot of friends asking me when my next will come. So I’m putting aside our topic about traveling with a toddler for a bit. May is nowhere near us, so I’ll have plenty of time to write about our luggage.

I’ve been thinking about another baby since the day Eric was born, and that I don’t really want one. Things changed after he was born, and even if I always wanted two kids, after I saw him and fell in love with him, I wouldn’t want to split the time I spend with him in 2, or more at first, as a baby needs more attention, and I don’t want to miss out. There are a lot of other reasons as well, not having help, doing 90% of things by myself, it’s hard, I’ll admit that.

Also, 2 babies would make it harder to move around, and travel, and that is one of my husband’s dreams and would be a great thing for Eric too. Eric is getting pretty heavy, and it will get harder for us to carry him when he will get tired and carry a baby too. At least now we can switch when it gets too much.

I think our little family is perfect the way it is. We, for now, don’t need things to get harder, I am still waiting for things to get easier.

I did come up with things why I SHOULD have another baby, but still doesn’t weight as much as my first reason of not having one. The reasons are selfish, and more for me, so until I find some good enough reason to bring another baby into this world, I can’t do it.

One of the reasons is the fact that I loved being pregnant. I didn’t gained too much weight, no really bad symptoms, none that I couldn’t overcome them, and I really loved my belly. I also would love to have a girl, to see how she would look like, and I think I will be a bit disappointed if it was a boy, at first. I did some research about things I can do to get my chances up if I want a girl, but nothing is 100% sure.

I would love some Lamaze courses before this too, it will help me relax and think about what my body says to me while I give birth.

Another reason is that I want to give a more real chance to exclusively breastfeed. I had to supplement with Eric so I really want to keep strong and do it right.

The final reason and the most important one is that I would want a natural water birth (which means NO meds) and I would do things way different than my C-section. This was my greatest wish before Eric too (except meds, I though I couldn’t do it without), but I was under the impression that my eye sight would make things impossible for me to give birth to Eric without putting my eyes in grave danger, some mentioned blindness too, but that is not the case.

But in the case I do decide to have another baby I would want to have my natural water birth, instead of a C-section, which is called VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-section) without any kind of medication.

I would want my water to be broken naturally, and no episiotomy. I would want to be free to move around, not stuck on a OB table, and embrace my contractions in the warm water without any Epidural. I’ve heard is best when you go thru a VBAC as you need to feel if the C-section cuts are going to rupture, that is always a risk, and also I will need my body to feel when it’s time to push. And no Pitocin either, that is supposed to help with dilatation, but it’s assumed to increase the pain you will feel.

They should not use any object to pull Eric out and I would want for them to delay the cord clamping, as recent studies show that important fluids are still on their way to the baby. Immediately after birth I would want skin-on-skin contact and a chance to breastfeed right away, so they will need to delay the examination too.

After everyone settles down and they do what they need to do with him, measure, weight and other tests and vaccines, I would want for him to never leave my sight. Eric was in my room most of the time, but only during the day, but I was in no way fit enough to hold him because my cut hurt really bad and I couldn’t pick him up. So now I think I would be able to take care of him from the start, only needing advise from time to time. This will give me a great start at breastfeeding too.

I would LOVE to have a pregnancy photo shooting done and newborn photos as well.

I’m not even close to being ready for another baby, I want to want a baby like I wanted Eric, and when I’m ready for that, and ready to accept that there are more chances for it to be a boy, and looking forward to any gender, I will be ready to go. Until then, I’m all Eric’s.

But these reasons and the things I would want to do, make me say MAYBE instead of NEVER.

What are your reason for deciding on another baby? And what would you do differently?

Feb 23, 2015 - Feelings    No Comments

Things a Mother Really Feels About Her Kids

o-MOTHER-LOOKING-UPSET-WITH-CHILD-facebook
I’m sorry I’m always scared. From the moment I found out about you until now, I was scared. I was scared to be your mom, because I wasn’t 100% confident I was fit to be a good one and I knew that you deserve better. I’m always worried for you and always doubt myself because of this. I’m always a little frightened to let you on your own or to trust others to take care of you. But I do it anyway! I don’t want you to miss out on figuring things by yourself just because I was too scared to let you go.

I’m always worried for your safety, for the way you grow, for the way I’m raising you, scared that I will not do it right and you will fail because of me. I will always be scared, because that’s what mothers do.

I’m sorry I can’t always keep my anger in check, and that I get angry at you, then at me, because I got angry at you, and that I sometimes raise my voice. I’m sorry I’m not always calm and in control of my feelings, because that would teach you how to be calm and in control of your feelings. I’m sorry I don’t always have the patience to explain things to you, but at least know that I try. I always make efforts to do that and to make sure you understand why I’m not letting you put your fingers in the electric outlet, or why my slippers are not good to eat. You cry, and I’m sorry, I understand your frustration of not understanding me, I’m really trying my best, kiddo.

I’m sorry I can’t give you everything your heart desires. I try to make a difference between what you need, and what you want just because it has a Mickey Mouse on. I’m sorry I can’t explain it to you better why you don’t need the Mickey Mouse shaped biscuits that have sugar in them, but you can have the normal shaped biscuits that are sweetened with fruits and therefore are healthier. I’m not doing it because I don’t love you, but because I DO.

I’m sorry I’m not always there for you. I do need to pee sometimes, even thought I wished I didn’t have too. And there will be times in your future when you will need me to stay away, to let you make your own decisions, and it will be hard as hell to watch you grow and act on your own, without interference, but I’ll sure try as hard as I can to give you the space to fly solo.

I’m sorry I kiss you too much, but after our first kiss, which was simply magical, every time I kiss you I live again the best day of my life over and over again, it’s like a drug that keeps me going and makes me the happiest person on Earth.

I’m sorry I’m saying so many NOs to you, I feel like I’m holding you back, but I’m doing it to protect you and to teach you good from bad, and for that I’m not sorry, I just feel bad you can’t understand my reasons. And I’m sorry I can’t always be your friend, I need to be your mom from time to time!

I’m sorry I have failed you, and that I’ll keep doing it, even though I try to do my best. I didn’t do enough, I didn’t know all that was needed to be known, I wasn’t there at your first sign of discomfort, I couldn’t protect you every single second of the day and sometimes you bumped your head, or you fell and I couldn’t catch you in time, sometimes I was protecting you from one corner of the table, and you stumbled and hit the other one… In my ideal world, you would’ve not cried at all, not even for one second for your entire life, but I failed to do that. And I will always fail, but I swear to you I am doing my best every day, and I’m always trying as hard as I can to not let you down, I can only promise I will TRY and do my best to protect you, even though trying is not enough.

I’m sorry I can’t take your pains away. I always wish I could get your flu and cure you, or have your bruises and bumps so nothing could ever hurt you. I’m sorry I can’t be sick in your place, but I can promise you I will be with you, cuddling and kissing your wounds, always checking on you and sleep with you until you feel better.

And I promise I will ALWAYS say I’m sorry, when I fail you, and I will ALWAYS say I love you, every day, so you will know, that even though I’m not perfect, I’m just your mom, the one that will always love you no matter how frustrated she feels, no matter if she’s not right there next to you to tell you, no matter if you hate me or you’re mad at me for some reason, no matter what, I will always love you.

Jan 26, 2015 - General, Tips    No Comments

Traveling Around Europe With Your Toddler

Traveling toddler

We made arrangements to travel around Europe in May, so I need to make lots of lists, of things I need to take with me, of things I need to do before leaving, things I need to do while traveling. It will be a lot, especially when you travel with a toddler. Eric is 19 months old and he will be 22 months old. So no much difference, really.

He first needed a passport, which we made, and he is mostly set. Our plans for the trip needed to secure that Eric stays happy as much as possible. He needs to eat, to sleep comfortably, to nap when he’s tired, and to basically have whatever he has at home, and that is me and his father, a few toys, clothes and his schedule. So first we planned our way of traveling:

We chose to travel by train, mostly because of the liberty of moving that it gives us. Eric needs to explore the views, he needs space and needs to move around. He is already used to it, as we often go visit his grandma (my mom) to my home town. Plus, a train is cheaper than a plane, and more comfortable than a bus. It has a toilet, you can walk around, and no restrains. Of course a plane would be faster, but getting a toddler to sit still for the take off and landing could be challenging, or let me rephrase that, getting MY toddler to sit still, specially when his ears will feel weird and with all those strangers looking bothered by his complains, would be stressing. We also have two bus rides along the way, but no more than 2.5 hours and hopefully on acceptable hours. The train rides are no more than 6-7 hours at a time, and if more than that and we find night trains we’ll get the ones with bunk beds. Another thing we made sure of is to have traveling options without changing trains or buses, that would be too stressful.

Now that we chose the best way to travel, we thought to check out places we could possibly stay in. We really needed something that at least had a mini fridge, but having a microwave oven or a stove would’ve been awesome. We checked the cheapest hotels rooms with fridge and compared the prices to places on AirBnb, and  we realized that clearly studios or 1 bedroom apartments on AirBnb are our best option.

Why? Because we can save some money not needing to eat out that much, we can cook for the baby as we will know exactly what he eats. We can heat his meals, store his breakfast, store milk and yogurt, and be in better locations than the cheapest hotels. And needing a good location was key to our trip plan, because you need fresh water to drink, vegetables and bread daily, yogurt and milk, fruits and maybe a pharmacy. We also needed to be as close to the places we wanted to visit, the cities are big and a toddler can’t handle walking too much or being on the road too much without taking his nap.

So in case you are wondering why so much trouble for a trip, you need to know that we will be on the road for almost a month. This is our schedule:

We will leave town on May 2nd and head to Arad (still Romania) by train and stay there for a night, until May 3rd. The ride is 4 or so hours, so we figured seeing as our next stop is Budapest (Hungary) and that is not too close by either, we will need our rest.

We will most likely stay 3 nights in Budapest (Hungary) also from May 3rd to May 6th, on our way to Vienna (Austria), where we need to arrive on May 6th and we booked 3 days there, until May 9th, planning to visit AT LEAST the zoo there and meet up with a friend. Our next stop is Munich (Germany), from May 9th to May 12th. Next we’ll visit Verona (Italy) for a few days, from May 12th to May 15th, and we have a direct train ride from Munich. After Verona we booked 4 days in Trieste (Italy), from May 15th to May 19th, hopefully we’ll get nice weather as it’s close to the Adriatic Sea

Our fastest and the most direct route from Trieste to Pula (Croatia) is by bus, it’s a 2.5 hours ride so hopefully we will be fine. We”ll stay there from May 19th to May 23rd because we are still near the sea, and we love beaches and the sea smell. We’ll take the bus again from here to Rijeka (Croatia) for almost the same hours and again stay 4 days on the Adriatic Sea beaches, from May 23rd to May 27th. We take the train for our next stop in Zagreb (Croatia) and stay from May 27th to May 29th. We hope Croatia will be our meeting point with another good friend.

Then we leave by train for Belgrade (Serbia), and we hope we’ll meet some friends there and stay from May 29th to June 1st, then head home by train thru Timisoara (Romania), not sure if we need a night here or not, but at least we are close to home.

This is how our map looks like:

Europe Route

So all that planning doesn’t sound too crazy now, is it? Only the routes and cities we chose, but hopefully we’ll have fun and see as much of the places we visit as possible.

Oct 14, 2014 - General    2 Comments

About Breastfeeding in Public

Breastfeed

A few weeks back I found a collaboration contest that meant writing on a pretty big site about motherhood. So I took the chance and wrote an article that I hoped it would win me the spot. It didn’t! I felt pretty bummed about it! I was feeling kind of hopeful that I could earn some money on something I am passionate about. My article was about breastfeeding in public and my husband liked it and encouraged me, so the news that I didn’t get choose got me really down.

So my sweet husband, either to make me happy or because he really thought it was worth it, took my article and got it published here, on one of his blogs. So this made me happy and grateful and got my hopes up and my mood to write more grew.

That article was a more of a “Don’t be afraid to breastfeed in public! Just do it!”, so I’m gonna tell you here why I do it. Why I need to do it in order to get places with a happy baby. Of course I could give him cows milk by now, but could a cow’s milk EVER be better than human milk? Cow’s milk is made for calves, and formula is made in a laboratory, for tiny robots or moms that couldn’t breastfeed! But yeah, why should I give something so unnatural instead of feeding my baby directly from the source?

To give him other milk than my own it implies I need the milk to be warm, or at least not cold, so I have to heat it more so I can have it for later. But if he needs it right after we leave home, how can I settle a crying baby AND cool the milk enough that he can have it right away? So for our family is best this way. I make sure I have the right clothing, I pull my shirt, baby covers the rest. I do my errands and everyone is happy. He gets the most healthier snack, I get the freedom of moving places, the people around us are not getting stressed by a crying baby, it’s a win-win-win situation.

I don’t have many friends that encourage me to do this, not even his pediatrician, not just in public, but in general too, but my baby is the MOST encouraging person I need! So read the article I published for more reasons to do it and what do you think about it!

Jun 23, 2014 - Feelings    5 Comments

How Motherhood Changed Me

Botez Eric Rafael - 28 Martie 2014

I often think about how I was before getting pregnant. Lazy most of the time, but this laziness was interfering with my thirst of knowledge. Sure, I was curious about stuff, but I didn’t necessary wanted to get on and learn, only if I ABSOLUTELY needed something in particular. When I thought about having a baby back then, I was so sure it was going to be a piece of cake leaving him with other people or it was obvious I would not change my habits of going out with my husband and his friends, or I was so sure I was going to feel the NEED to leave the baby for a while after EVERY minute of the day spent with him.

Well, the reality is WAY different now. The laziness is no more. I mean, it would be there, but I have no choice really. No time for being lazy. If I choose lazy over making dinner, well, we will starve, baby included. Or if I don’t do laundry, we will not have any clean clothes to wear. So basically, I can’t afford to watch my TV shows I watched before, they take too much time that I rather spend with my husband, my baby, or that I NEED to do something practical instead.

Leaving baby behind reaps my heart right into two pieces. Because I worry, that is what mothers do, but I also miss him. I could have a nice time with my husband out, while my mom is taking care of Eric EXACTLY how I would take care of him, but I would think of his smiles and laughs and silliness the entire time. I would worry about him crying and I would feel empty and selfish that I’m out instead of spending my time with him and nurse him to sleep and sing to him while I watch him doze off. BUT no matter how pained I am, and how a part of me gets sad and just needs to run to my baby and hug him really tight, I also know he needs his space. He needs other people, he needs to trust the people around him, and not just me, that makes me jealous, but I try NOT to be, and let him find his trust in others, and explore on his own, and be curious about people around him. My heart just wants to cuddle and hug him and never let go of his hand, but I do, because it is what he needs, and THAT is the priority in my life now, his needs.

Botez Eric Rafael - 28 Martie 2014

About my curiosity to learn new stuff. Well, after I gave birth, a new life has opened in front of me. The “motherhood” got me in touch with a lot of new domains for me, like breastfeeding and natural birth. Breastfeeding got me so hooked into learning about it that I can honestly say I can provide help to other moms. I did a breastfeeding course online that got me a diploma and made me want to try more courses like this one to make my breastfeeding help have a greater impact on new moms. But not just for that, I’m really curious and feel the NEED to learn more and to know as much as I can so I could help others without doubting myself. I’m pretty sure I know now more than many new moms, and old moms, and what I don’t know I can easily do the research and get the answers in no time. I’m also always researching foods he can or cannot eat besides breastmilk.

diploma

The natural birth area got me curious because I always wanted to get one, but by Romanian standards I couldn’t because of my eye problems. Well, turns out if I did more research before, I could’ve gotten my natural water birth I always wanted. Maybe next time I will. But until then, if there will ever be a next time, I will always recommend it to everyone that hasn’t her mind set on a C section. I can’t speak from my own experience, like breastfeeding, but I think if I WILL do it, I would advise others as well. A natural birth would mean no pills to speed up things, as those pills can make the pain more awful than it really is, no pills for the pain as those can interfere with feeling your body “say” to you WHEN you need to push, and a water birth so baby will easily get from your warm body, to another warm environment, and right after that to your chest for nursing.

Motherhood has changed me, and I think I’m a better person, which couldn’t mean much necessarily, but I feel better in my own skin now, and I love it.

 

Jun 4, 2014 - Health    2 Comments

My Breastfeeding Journey

breastfeeding

When I was pregnant I thought breastfeeding would be weird, hard, and I didn’t had any hope that I would have enough milk. The last bit looks so silly to me now, because I’ve learned so much since then. I thought I will be stressed with everything and I will loose the milk. I thought it was going to be hard for me when we go back home, with no help, with my mother in law lurking around and giving unwanted advise, but it turns out the stress level should be pretty high to loose the milk, and even then all is not lost forever.

So the baby came and I gave formula supplements like an ignorant fool because I didn’t do any research and I trusted the doctors that advised me to give it. I didn’t want to get my hopes up that I will successfully breastfeed because I didn’t know too many mommas that did it, so when supplementing was introduced I somehow expected that outcome. But being on a mommy group and meeting a girl with so much experience in breastfeeding that continuously pointed out that the baby doesn’t need formula, that I have enough, that the more formula I give, the more the baby will not get from me, made me HATE her so much in the beginning. The fact that I never gave up and always put the baby to nurse every single time before offering a bottle helped tons, but I ended up with a 1 month old baby that gained 2 lbs 15 oz in his first month and giving him 27 oz A DAY. Which even for a preemie is A LOT.

THEN I started to question the formula intake, and started listening more closely to that girl that never gave up on me. She kept insisting that I should start lowering the formula intake because I don’t have anything to worry about, the baby was gaining MORE than usual, so I listened and started the slow process of removing the formula. Maybe I should’ve got rid of it faster, but the pace helped me feel safe.

Now I know that 98% of women are able to breastfeed their babies, more can do it exclusively, some with help from formula or breast milk, but they can, and they should IF they want to. Now I know that I made breastfeeding hard for myself when it should’ve been as easy as taking a walk in the park. Now I know I can’t fully loose my milk if I keep putting the baby to nurse every time he asks for. Now I know that even if I somehow loose milk do to illness or very special circumstances, I can always re-lactate. Now I know that the country I live in has more to gain if a woman gives formula than if she breastfeeds her baby. Now I know that breastfeeding after 6 months, the usual recommendation, gives the baby SO MANY nutrients, antibodies, good for brain development, for immune system, and I could go on and on.

Formula is what the name calls it, a formula, containing the same stuff, in the same amount, in the same form, for every single day. Where breastmilk contains different stuff every day, or every hour, depending on what baby needs at that moment. It can be watery if he’s thirsty, fat if he’s hungry, more minerals one day, more vitamins the next, with antibodies if mom has a flu, or with melatonin if mom is sleepy. You can eat whatever you want and drink whatever you want, IN MODERATION! No one says you can get drunk and breastfeed, but if you drink a glass of wine right after you nurse, and not get dizzy from it, you can enjoy your rest of the night without worrying, the baby will not get dizzy because of it.

I don’t blame mommies that don’t breastfeed, I don’t care what others do, I just wanted to share this info with those that are misinformed and want to do it as much as I did. I wanted to write this down, to never forget the mistakes I did because I didn’t do proper research of something I wanted so bad. I just needed this truth to come out, and make myself aware of how much I’ve “grown” since 11 months ago. I had to tell myself that I had a bad start, a hard road, felt myself in a rollercoaster at times, and that I should be proud now, that I have a 11 month old baby that still breastfeeds, that weights 22 pounds (10 kilos) and measures 30 inches long (76 cm). He gets solids 3 times a day, 2 bottles of formula (STILL) of 2-3 oz, never managed to get rid of it entirely, but still better than 27-30 oz a day, and nurses during the night and whenever he feels like it, and we did it because I fought for my baby, and never gave up, and because the fighting and the tiring were a good price to pay for what I give to my baby.

I always said “a happy mommy, a happy baby, no matter what you feed your baby”, and the fact that I was able to breastfeed was more satisfactory and made me happier if I did it, than if I did NOT and got some rest instead. I would’ve been depressed not to succeed doing it and I would’ve resented myself not being able to do something so natural and good for my baby. But that is just me, because I just wanted this so bad.

Never thought I would go THIS far, I just hoped for the 6 month mark, but here I am, with a well developed baby, that continues to get what he needs from me and more. I am grateful for every ounce I gave him and for taking it this long. I’m also grateful that the girl I met never gave up on me. So thanks Tabitha, I love you forever! I’m so grateful and so happy to know so much stuff, that it made me want to learn more and help others too. I just hope I can convince more women, that they CAN breastfeed IF they WANT to breastfeed, that NO FORMULA in the world can be THAT accurate and in tune with the baby’s needs as breastmilk is, and they should look for answers away from doctors that don’t have proper training in lactation.

Get informed! Do some research! And don’t forget to be happy! Enjoy the bounding and the beauty of feeding your baby even if is just for a little bit. Every drop is good for him! But if you are not happy doing it or are getting too stressed about it, then it doesn’t benefit anyone!

Sep 2, 2013 - General    No Comments

Two Months Old Baby

Two Months Old Baby

The times flies by when you have a kid and you find yourself looking at the most beautiful baby in the world and wondering when did the two months go. You don’t notice any differences, you don’t see that he changed much from the day that he was born except if you look at the pictures from his first days.

But he is bigger, and he is growing up. He finishes his meals faster, he stays awake more and he is smiling at you with his eyes open, not only in his dreams, he looks at you and this time he is really seeing you because his eye sight has improved, and he is heavier but you don’t notice because your arms are getting stronger.

But someone said once small children have small problems, and big kids have big problems. Because at first it was just eat, sleep, poop, bath, walk, and repeat. Now is everything from above and then some. But I’m loving every single minute I spend with him.

I don’t get why people ask me if my baby is good, what to they want to know? My baby is good, he doesn’t throw stuff at me, he doesn’t yell or curse at me, he is well behaved, but doesn’t talk much. When he cries because of gas, or belly ache, or for food, or because he is cold, he is not doing it on purpose! It is his way of communicating something is wrong, the longer you wait to fix his problem the longer he’ll cry. It’s like a game of Hot and Cold, when someone is hiding an object and in order to find it you have to walk around and the person who knows where it is will lead you by saying Hot when you are near the object, or warm when you are close, or cold when you are far away from the object.

He doesn’t want to be cold or hungry, so crying is not something he does because he is spoiled, not when he is so small. When he needs you, he calls you the only way he knows. So hold your baby, be there to suit his needs, let him know he can count on you to be there when he needs you, and he will grow up to be a confident young man, that knows his mommy is there for him, and he will trust you and he will respect you, because you will give him what he needs, NOT necessary what he wants.

So, yeah, my baby is not a bad boy, even if he cries and he is fussy and can’t put him down in his crib for a few hours now and then, because his tummy hurts, his pain saddens me, it doesn’t make me angry, I want to take away his pain so he will not cry anymore, that does not make him a bad baby, that makes him a baby with a problem that needs to be solved and is my duty to make my baby happy, even if it means I have to hold him in my arms even when I have to go to the bathroom.

Aug 23, 2013 - Health    No Comments

Breastfeeding Your Newborn

Breastfeeding Your Newborn

Having a preemie gets you focused on one thing only, the fact that he has to gain the weight he was supposed to, no matter what. So when the neonatal doctors told us to supplement after breastfeeding we didn’t question that decision at all.

Eric is now 7 weeks old and I’m struggling to reduce his formula and increase his breastfeedings, which is taking so long and lots of effort from both of us.
Eric 1
I somehow got to 750 ml of formula supplements and now I managed to reduce that to 550 ml per day, in the last 11 days. This means I have to feed him more often, around 9 times a day, when before he reached 7 feedings, and smaller amounts, so that I should produce the rest. The process is slow so that we can monitor his weight every week and see that doesn’t affect his growing.

Some growth spurts are usual around this time, so taking down his supplements gets frustrating to see him hungry and unhappy. I am struggling, is not an easy job, but I’m doing my best. I don’t like when my husband gets  frustrated because baby seems hungry and wants to give him more formula. I’m scared of the day I have to weigh him, because if he doesn’t get 200 grams in a week my husband will use it as an argument to make me give up the plan of more breastfeeding and less formula. I read so much about breastfeeding, but nothing helps if my husband is not on my side. I wish I had his support and he would trust me with this and not make me feel like I’m starving my baby…

My mom gets me sad too when she is full of joy that my baby emptied a formula bottle, when I’m sulking that I wished he would’ve got enough breast milk and not eat the entire bottle. My husband seems against breastfeeding in public too, so when baby gets hungry, when we’re in the park, I can’t find the courage to put baby on my breast to at least sooth him till we get home, because my husband doesn’t support me, so I’m feeling that is something to be ashamed of.

My mom didn’t nurse me more than 1 and a half months, and I turned up just fine, but I wish to do this with all my heart and I am fighting everyday.

Nursing your newborn baby can be a challenge. You can fight your loved ones believes, or lack of support, you can fight your newborns fussiness when he doesn’t get breast milk as fast as formula from bottles, you can fight yourself trying to convince yourself baby gets enough food and you are not starving him, you can fight stress, you can fight growth spurts, you can fight strangers disapproving looks when you breastfeed in public, but in the end you have your baby’s best interest at heart, so is worth fighting for. Challenge accepted!

This a site where I found all my answers and helped me with reducing the formula the best way for my baby: Kellymom

You don’t have to enjoy breast feeding, that is not the point. And you are not the only one hating it, if you do, but if you think is worth the struggle and you can find the will to do it, just do it, if don’t that doesn’t mean your a bad mother. Every mother is the best mother a baby can have, no matter the decision you take or the path you find yourself that doesn’t include breastfeeding, you are the best thing your kid has. You can still bond when you feed him formula and you can still have skin on skin contact without breastfeeding. No one should judge you and no one knows how hard it is but yourself, is better for you to be happy because your kid will be happy too.

Jul 21, 2013 - Health    4 Comments

Baby is Here

Eric Rafael2Eric Rafael, born July 2nd, 2013 at 35 weeks and 2 days at 9:08 PM. We were on or way to our godmother with some cookies freshly baked and he put his legs through my membranes and broke my water in the middle of the street at around 7 PM. I made a small pool under me like you see in the movies. He run out of space apparently. Luckily we were close to our destination and our sweet godmother picked us up.

We tried to stay positive on our way to the hospital, which took us less than we expected. Called my doctor and she said she’ll come after she hears the results of my monitoring. I arrived there and told the receptionist my water broke, she smiled and sent me to the on call doctor. The nurse smiled at me too and then asked what week am I in. When she heard 35 her smile disappeared. She put an IV on to take some blood and put the cardiotocogram monitor on my belly.

The on call doctor came in and checked my cervix, I suppose. She then called my doctor and said she could feel his feet already. Some contraction started and suddenly the relaxed state I was in disappeared and I started shaking like I was cold. This memories are very blurry. I know my husband and mother started filling some paperwork, which I found later they didn’t had time to finish and they only signed as I was on my way to the operating room. The room was filled with girls, nurses, anesthesiologist and my doctor, who were all chatting and complementing my hair and asking me questions, completely equipped and ready to go. They explained some paper work I had to sign but wasn’t time for me to read them, and apologized for the unusual situation.

I didn’t think for a second that I was an emergency. Everybody kept smiling and keeping calm, but doing things very fast, I realize this just now. I tried my best to keep myself from shaking while they were putting a needle through my back, but I couldn’t stay still when the needle punctured my back because I was focusing on not shaking.

A nurse asked why I was shaking and I said because of fear, I guess. I didn’t even know, and is still a mystery. I started feeling what they were doing, but no pain of course. I heard my doctor say his umbilical cord is twice around his neck, so I was right about that. Baby wanted to turn with his head down but couldn’t because he was tied to the umbilical cord and when he tried his heart rate went down. I read somewhere that a mothers instinct is more powerful than any tests mechanism in the world. They couldn’t see his umbilical cord around his neck at the ultrasound, but I knew it was there.

They took him out and I didn’t hear him cry and got scared. But my doctors face appeared after the sheet and told me baby was fine. Soon after that I heard him cry and I thought he sounded like a kitten. They brought him to my face and let me kiss him and tears run on my face because that was the happiest I felt in my entire life. He had the softest skin I ever touched and I couldn’t say just then if he looked like my husband, but I know the staff in the operating room was sad he didn’t had curly hair. For me he just looked like a baby. Maybe I was more happy to know he was safe and healthy, but I can’t say he is beautiful. He simply is perfect! He has all his fingers, toes, normal ears, nose, eyes and mouth, and that is just what I wished for, a normal looking but healthy boy.

Eric Rafael

He weighted 2,530 kg and measured 45 cm. He scored 9 and he didn’t need an oxygen mask. He tried his best, this little guy, but couldn’t stay there any longer. He is now 2 weeks old and gaining weight fast. He had some jaundice and we had to stay 3 more days in the hospital because he was suspected of having an infection, and was put on antibiotics.

He spent a lot of the day time in my room, with me and my husband. Nurses came in and explained how to change his dipper, how to feed him, how to give him a bath and clean his navel, how to burp him. And every question we had got answered.

My recovery was a little slower than they expected. I was in so much pain, when they thought I was ready to get up and walk to the bathroom they couldn’t be more wrong, because I fainted. I usually faint when I feel too much pain and the menstrual cramping I had was the worst I had experienced because it didn’t go away, even with all the epidural shots they gave me. But after I called the nurse in charge more than 5 times over night she gave up and put me on inflammatory IV. After that I didn’t need anything for more than 10 hours, and I finally could get out of bed and use the bathroom, and I’m not going to tell you what I had to do the previous night for that.

I am still scared of him. I somehow know what he needs and I try to breastfeed him as much as I can but he needs supplements too because I can’t produce as much as he wants. I fear every minute for him and I wish he could tell me he is fine once in a while. This probably gave the panic attacks I have sometime. They come and go, but don’t last too long as I try to focus on other stuff and not the fear I’m feeling, but I feel week because of them, and I want to be strong for my baby.

Eric Rafael3

I love him with all my heart. I loved him since he was in my belly, and when I saw his little face it felt odd, it felt like I knew him for so long and his face was so familiar, I just knew he was mine and I had no doubt about how much I will love that little wrinkled face of his forever.

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